I am, “Terrified, petrified, mortified, stupified… by you”

I’ve been thinking about some things lately… things that effect where I go for the rest of my life. Not necessarily making decisions, in fact that wasn’t my intent. I’ve just been thinking, wondering, predicting and I have to say there are some things that scare the hell out of me. Not everything about the future bothers me… just somethings I’ve never given serious thought to which made it easy to be casual about and now actually giving thought and even a little consideration to some of it scares me.

Two people already know this and I don’t suppose it matters much if the rest of the world does so I might as well put it here since its bothering me. I’ve been having some episodes lately of what I can only describe as disorientation. I’m not exactly dizzy or have a headache, its actually something kind of unique. My head gets very light, my thinking becomes a bit foggy, my vision isn’t blurry but is not exactly right either, and worst of all these are just short occurrences, they’ve lasted for several minutes at a time. It was even severe enough one day in the shower that I almost thought I was having a seizure. The strange feeling came on and I was shaking and couldn’t keep my balance nor was I able to grab on to anything to really keep myself up so I kept trying to slap the walls in an effort to redirect my motion. If it hadn’t gone away after about 30 seconds or so I would have collapsed, which would definitely have been bad. Suffice it to say, if something like that happens again or if this becomes a regular/frequent problem I’ll be going to the hospital (per a promise I’ve made). Thankfully, the last occurrence was a few days ago and was very mild, so I’m really hoping this was a passing thing.