Its nice to be forgotten.

Of the last 10 people to call my phone (that I actually answered the phone for), 3 are family and 7 are people who wanted something from me. I know I don’t call people often so I shouldn’t complain at all, but I’m amazed at how many people only call me/think about me when they need something that my particular skillset provides… and in one lovely case yesterday, I was called after all other people this person knew were exhausted. It just makes me tingle inside.

Well. I accomplished one of the 3 things that have been weighing heavily on me. At face value, it was a worthless endevor and the result was exactly as expected and indeed the reason I was affraid to do it. Now I’m asking myself (and this, especially the phrasing, is influence by something else) if I did the right thing by sending the letter. I suppose at the very least it was a way to really see the current state of things. I think worse, I admitted something to myself by sending the letter that I have to live with now, but I did that when I wrote the letter so I guess nothing has really been lost.

Life isn’t nearly as bad as my posts would make it seem. I’m the kind of person that tends to dwell. I’m actually quite happy. I’ve gotten to spend a lot of time with my sister and nephew, which has been really amazing. There is a lot Tara and I don’t know about eachother, but the connection is great. Especially since my brother and I have never been close… yes, we’ll back eachother up when our backs are too the wall, but he and I are so different the only thing we have in common is drinking (and given the first half of this quarter, I’m cutting way back on that).

I finally told my dad in part how I feel about him. He didn’t take it too seriously and I don’t think he will ever make appologies where need, but that part of my history isn’t really important anymore. This is a big thing for me since I’ve been so resentful since my childhood that it has probably affected every friendship and relationship I’ve ever had.

Keith, despite his overbearing nature (when sharing his opinions about some things), has been an amazing friend. I don’t agree with him about a thing or two in my life, but he has given me so much perspective and at times walked through my own hell with me. However, if there is one person who always has been and is always there for me… it’s Mike. I couldn’t find a better friend if I tried for the rest of my life. Keith and Mike have really kept me sane and even more alive (emotionally I mean).