A hall of mirros and life stands still

Deciding on how to begin my adult life is difficult, for lack of a better word. I could just say yes or no and get it over with. Just decide that this is the opportunity for me or that I absolutely can’t do it. I’ve done a lot of research in the last days to try and give me some justification one way or another. The thing is… I have a lot pulling me in both directions and I am completely unable to decide.

Life is. How’s that for a philosophical load of crap? Life is fluid motion. Its a river rushing down a mountain side. Its a quiet stream on a hazy day. Its a trickle in a water spout after a heavy rain. Its a stagnant pond growing moss. Its the ocean at high tide. Its the under-toe through some rocks. Its the riptide before a coming storm. Its a torrent through the night, never relenting…

Imagery aside… life is many things. For a while, I thought myself to be pretty mature. Not to any spectacular level mind you, but the last few years have taught me a lot of things about life and myself. Things that I didn’t want to learn, things that I probably tried to protect myself from which made them that much harder… Resisting the path God wants me on isn’t a good thing… The last week has shown me how truly immature and unprepared I really am. Even living life on my own, supporting myself in college has been a protected environment. Worse, my life is standing still waiting for something to happen… but everything looks the same.