17-Sep-2006

Ever thought you understood something that was extremely hard for you only to find out you were wrong? Like calculus or particle physics… just something that is inherently difficult to get your head around. Its amazing how in moment of realization when you think you have it figured out you want to go tell the world but when you see how wrong you were you want to go hide.

In my case, I’m very angry. I asked a friend a question the other day because I had no idea how to deal with something (well, 2 things but the first can wait). His answer was cryptic at best, although the topic wasn’t something I think anyone can claim to be an expert on, but he made me think about what I had been doing and should be doing. I have yet to come up with any constructive thoughts on the matter.

So… my question was, “How do you leave everything in God’s hands?” As my friend told me, I’m not so important that I can mess up God’s plan, but I still don’t know where to go from here. If I do nothing about anything and just sit and wait, I’m starting and ending in the same place and will have gained (and hopefully lost) nothing. If I push either of the issues I know I’ll just be exacerbating the problems and while I don’t have much to lose in the latter of the two, I’d prefer not to lose any more than I already have. I find myself asking God, “what am I supposed to do?” every day now and I can’t help but wait around for a brick to fall out of the sky with a note attached to it and addressed to me.