Why, oh why, is Time Warner the only cable company I can have.

When writing this post, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking of the line from 300, “Spartans, prepare for glory!” However, when I really think about it, its more like, “Spartans, prepare for righteous indignation!”

So, last September my cable bill (for TV and internet, by the way) went from a slightly offensive $106/mo to an outrageous $147/mo. Obviously… I had exited my 12 month introductory period. I called Time Warner and talked to them and try to work something out. At first they said there was nothing that could be done, I was out of the promotional period, so I told them to have my service disconnected. The customer service guy, who wasn’t completely useless, told me he could be able to get it down to $122 at that point. I was already unhappy with $106, so I politely told him that if I couldn’t continue my service at the previous price, I would discontinue. To say the least, I left work that day with an appointment to turn in my equipment. Interestingly, on the way home from work, I got a call from the Time Warner retention department. A polite woman, whose name I believe was Shaniqua, offered to reduce my bill to $77.33/mo if I decided to continue my service. Obviously, I was happy with that. I never actually saw a reduced bill for September, but I sent in a payment and no one ever complained.

October came around and I get a bill for ~$83… I was confused. Being a diligent customer, I called Time Warner again. I was promptly told that the kind retention lady had applied an extra, one-time, discount that couldn’t be continued month-to-month. $83 was still less than $106, so I thanked the rep for the information.

My bill for November comes… and my bill has gone up again. It’s only $85.59, but I’m getting pretty tired of the moving target at this point. Of course I called Timer Warner, yet again. This time I was told that several taxes and surcharges had changed and there was nothing Time Warner could do about that. Obviously, few companies are in the business of just absorbing new fees into their cost structures, so I didn’t complain (about the charges specifically). However, I did mention that I was getting a bit annoyed with the ever changing bill and wanted to confirm that my bill would remain the same until September 2010. The representative said ‘yes’, which was good enough for me, so I paid the bill and moved on.

Imagine my surprise when my bill for December comes and it’s now $97. I didn’t flip out or anything, but my patience for Time Warner was definitely at its end. I called Time Warner and the customer service rep said that when my bill was modified a 3 month free DVR promotion was used and couldn’t be reapplied. I of course explained that the month before I was told that my bill would remain at $85 and change. The rep then told me that there was nothing he could do, so I told him that I wouldn’t do business with a company who wouldn’t honor their promises or one that couldn’t manage reliable billing. After that I was very quickly transferred to retention to see if they could correct my situation. The woman in retention basically gave me the same story, so I again told them to disconnect my service. The retention department then said that they could put in an escalation ticket to go back and listen to the phone calls and figure out what I had been told AND that she would put a note on the account so if my situation not be resolved to my satisfaction that the service was to be disconnected effective the date that I called (and any bills that I paid after that date would be refunded). I was supposed to get a call in 7-10 days with some sort of resolution, so I figured since I was protected it couldn’t hurt.

December 22 comes around and I get another bill (for January) for $97 (at least they’re finally regular?) and I realize that I never received a call with a resolution for my escalation… so I called back myself. I didn’t feel like wasting a lot of time, so when someone answered I immediately asked for the retention department, the customer service guy was happy to oblige, but he wanted to see if there was anything he could do first. I gave him a small rendition of my conversation from earlier in the month and he was surprisingly happy to refund the difference in the bills for the month of December, but had to transfer me to retention for any further help. A woman in retention answered my call and I gave her a recap of everything from September on. After (more than) a few minutes on hold, I’m told that the discount could not be reapplied. I asked about the escalation ticked and the promise that what I was told on the phone in November would be honored (of course mentioning that no one actually called me back). I got some babble about the phone call, to be honest I’m not positive what she said, except that they listened to the calls and that nothing was going to be done. Again, I told her that I wouldn’t do business with a company that didn’t honor their promises or that couldn’t manage regular billing and that I’d like my service canceled and my bill for December refunded as was promised. She of course scheduled the disconnect, but said she couldn’t refund the December billing… apparently the note (that the retention agent from earlier that month read to me) was no longer there… I told her I’d be reversing the charge on my card… and she said it would go to collections… Before we got off the phone, the agent asked if there was anything else she could do to keep my service, I admit I gave a sarcastic remark (nothing too snarky) and we parted.

I thought about that last question for a little while and came up with what I thought would be a damn good compromise. I called back, got the retention department, and offered to continue my service if they extended my current pricing (the $97/mo that I shouldn’t have had) through September 2011. Without a pause I was told to call back the next day because there were no managers on the floor to authorize such a guarantee… okay… I called back on the 23rd. I get retention on the phone, explain the entire story, again, for at least the 6th time, and explain my compromise to keep my service and that I had been asked to call back. With virtually no conversation, I’m put on hold for nearly 20 minutes. When the agent comes back to the phone, she tells me that she just talked to her supervisor and there is no way they can reapply the free DVR discount. In a cartoon, this would be the point that I’d have a big question mark floating above my head. I tried to explain to the agent again why I was calling in, she starts talking over top of me trying to explain that I can’t get the pricing again and even starts raising her voice to me and even nearly accusing me of lying to her (it might be hard to believe, but in all of this I have yet to be remotely close to belligerent) at which point I cut her off asking (forcefully) for her employee number. She gives it to me and continues to talk over top of me about the discount that I no longer wanted and this time she tells me that she was the agent I talked to the day before… ah… fantastic… To get her to actually understand what I was asking for, this is exactly what I said: “Listen, what I want to continue my service is the pricing I have now with out the free DVR, without the free DVR, I’ll say it again, without the free DVR extended to 2011.” That at least got it through her head that for the 35 minutes we’d been on the phone (20 of that on hold) I wasn’t actually asking for the old discount, but she still asked me that if I wanted the pricing I had what was I calling for… I again said that the compromise was to extend the pricing until September 2011. She then told me she absolutely couldn’t do that, so I told her we had nothing left to talk about. She then asked me if there was anything else she could do to keep my service… to which I replied “absolutely not.”

Not wanting to talk to this lady again, I called back to the normal customer service desk and asked for a case number or call id (of any sort) associated with my last calls. I intended to give it to my friends and family and ask them to disconnect their service giving this number as a reason why. After being bounced a couple times, I got the work order number (from a supervisor in the retention department) for the actual service disconnection which could be used to look up the call record. I also tried to get a direct line to the human resources department but didn’t have much luck there.

Later that same day, the retention department called me back… my bill is now $83.11/mo (with free Showtime!)… while I kinda feel like I sold my soul to Capitalism… at least I can still watch Stargate Universe and 24.

P.S. Go read Theresa’s blog about my really shitty 36 hour drive home… its so upsetting I really don’t feel like posting about it… except to say I sat half a mile from the second toll booth on the WV turnpike for 7.5 hours… that is a shitty day.