The truth hurts…

“Fire in the hole!” If only I had no conscience… I almost did something vicious today…

This quarter is still unpredictably busy… I can’t seem to stop working no matter how ahead I get… I still feel behind. A seemingly permanent moratorium has been placed on my senioritis… the last refuge for a graduating senior getting ready to venture into the world… and I don’t get to enjoy it. Sad.

A lot of my personal concerns were blown away yesterday. I learned three things about my dad that make me incredibly worried and sad. First, through inference, it seems my dad is on the verge of prostate cancer. Second, my dad may have to put off his final surgery to remove his skin cancer because of the third… my dad has recently start seeing large amounts of blood in his stool.

“Its hard to get around in a six foot town, when your ten feet tall everything is so small.”

Seems I’m doomed to have ridiculously busy schedules my last few quarters. Between my art class and my networking class I’m pretty much working non-stop… even on the weekends. However, it should end with a fantastic spring break… which will most definitely be two weeks long! The first week, what should actually be finals week for me should be in Myrtle Beach with my dad, sister, nephew, brother, brother’s girlfriend and Theresa. No idea how those arrangements are going to work out, but I’ll deal. The week after I get to relax and then begins my final stint here at The Ohio State University. I’m starting to get strangely excited about everything. I have some sadness too, but I can’t help but enjoy the idea that my life will be 100% mine soon enough. Life will be very different this time next year… perhaps a bit more complete.

Depression hurts…

Keeping with my trend of tardiness… Happy New Year… and to everyone at WalMart… I hope you had a wonderful Christmas… yes I said it… CHRISTMAS! “Bite me.”

2007 was a long year. Someone asked me if it seemed like a year had really gone by and I barely had to think to say yes. As depressing as that is, to me anyway since a number of prodigious things came into my life, I can’t give any other answer. 2007 was a year of death and illness for me (more accurately for my family). Am I happy it is over? Well… lets say, in an all or nothing sense, I wouldn’t trade it away.

2008 will be a big year of change for me. I need not make any resolutions… they’re happening whether I want to or not. If everything that I think and everything that I know happens the way it is supposed to… I’ll certainly be a very happy man… if a bit lonely and isolated for a little while.

26-Dec-2007

Merry Christmas everyone, if a day late. I hope you all had a enjoyable holiday. Mine was quite terrific. Things just happened they way they were supposed to and even better than I could have hopped in a few places.

Damned for all time.

I have never heard, read, or otherwise observed a solid argument for or against the existence of God. Those who argue for assume that God exists and therefore little argument has to be made. Those who argue against assume God doesn’t exist because they don’t want to live by his rules or can’t imagine God being so cruel as to let man live as we are so they also assume little argument has to be made. I’m quite tired of the pious “the Bible says so” or the ignorant “just look around you”… Can someone please start with the premise, “I don’t know”?

I could keep rambling for quite a while as I avoid my reasons for posting today… but what would be the point? No one who reads will actually care nor will anyone who cares actually read…

Someone who is exceptionally close to me is potentially very ill and I don’t know how to deal with it. I don’t know all/any of the details yet, but I know it is not good. It would be cruel, God would be cruel, to take this away from me. But of course, God doesn’t take… the ailments of men are our own design. The filth of our own bodies is the curse Adam and Eve left us. But we need someone do blame don’t we? There is no life without purpose so there has to be someone to blame, someone to curse and dread. In the end, we only have our mortal bonds to criticize and rebuke… it is our physical weakness that brings our demise. But we need someone to blame. There is no life without purpose… so it has to be someone’s fault… it had to be God’s choice… God’s will.