When is normal not so normal?

I’m really good at a lot of things that tend to tear apart my life… self deprecation, self loathing, insecurity (yes despite my god complex), deep (read over) thought, curiosity, not to mention I’m plagued with a brain that only stops when I’ve had no sleep in better than 48 hours… the cure? Ironically something I normally exude without having. Confidence. I hate to admit it to the person who told me this months ago, but a lot of relationships is about confidence, at least the beginning of them is. The ability to (respectfully) put yourself out there, possibly to hang yourself, not only makes you feel good about yourself but helps in a lot of ways. Fortunately, I’ve stayed out of the gallows.

Simply put, I’m a really happy person lately. Without any outside influence (I know at least one of you will argue… but I’m going to ignore you). The realization of what some people tried to push on me for months finally happened. The idea that I’m “too good” for something (actually a few things), while I still hold isn’t entirely accurate in at least one situation, has really helped me resolve some issues I’d been having. I think most importantly I’ve gotten my drinking under control, 1 drink in the last 3+ weeks I think is an accomplishment.

I’m working on one last remnant of the above. Well, probably not the last but certainly one that needs to be done with. Anger is a funny thing. Deep seeded anger is worse. It sits deep inside you and grows into something vile and fetid. Sometimes you can even manage to ignore it and let someone feed it… in my case for  a couple months. Uprooting such a thing isn’t easy… but I think admitting that the problem is there is a decent start. I think that I also have to admit that this is somewhat self serving in more than mental health… I saw a quote a little while ago… “Love like you’ve never been hurt.” It’s incredibly bad advice and is terribly naive, but it has a modicum of merit in that you shouldn’t harbor bad feelings because its likely to corrupt everything that follows. Learn from your mistakes, don’t carry them with you. I’m far (…) from being in love, but why break something before it is made.