“… I pray the lord my soul to take.”

The brain is an amazing machine. It can understand input from millions of tactile sensors and discern in microseconds feelings of heat and coarseness. The brain can process in real time images from our eyes and signals from our auditory nerves without so much as a stutter. A human being’s brain can identify objects and distance despite the ever changing environments of color and shadow, it can adapt to new levels of sound and heat, it can deduce and predict, and analyze and solve… Humans aren’t the only creatures with these abilities (although our complex thought is far more evolved), so what makes us different?

A friend of mine a few years ago pointed out to me that the human brain is based entirely on physics. If you think in a purely scientific view, that is an intriguing thought. The molecular, chemical, and electrical make up of our brains MUST follow the laws of physics. Meaning… given the makeup of a human brain and an exact biochemical analysis of the brain it would be possible to know the exactly thought and subsequent thought of a person given certain preconditions of the environment (since particles only act randomly at the subatomic scale)… By that standard… sentience is fake. We have no thought, only chemical reactions. We are nothing more than a predictable (albeit adaptive) race in which the nature of everything can be deduced and predicted given a complete stocastic model of the environment. So what happens when someone reduces everything to an equation… Think about it… your entire existence, beginning to end, is an equation that someone has yet to think up.

Who wants to admit that to themselves? But where does thought come from? To me, I can seemingly create random thoughts in my head. I can hear my own voice and replay conversations. I bring forward images of the past and play them like a movie in my conciousness. Sometimes I can hear my own voice multiple times saying different things… having conversations with unknowns (no I’m not schizophrenic). Am I to believe that this is the product of physics… something predictable given enough information? The brain is an amazing machine, but there has to be something more. Something unpredictable and unseen. Something that is a part of but separate from the physical self. Without that… all of existence is just an equation that in time someone will know (and probably manipulate)… without that there is no mystery to life… without that there is nothing beyond this existence since there is nothing there to survive the corporeal.

Archangel / September 5, 2006 / Personal, xanga / 0 Comments

“Should I die before I wake…”

I was embarrassingly drunk on Friday… unfortunately, I remember the entire night too. I think I owe apologies to Jen and Becky (don’t know who Becky is though… but I have a picture of her on my phone). Saturday… well, it was a late start. I woke up around 630a and dealt with a queasy stomach for a few hours. I got a hold of Keith around 10 and he carted me around to run errands for 3 hours since my car was left at Capital the night before. Started moving stuff around 2pm… watched a good amount of the OSU game… finished moving stuff close to 7. Keith, March, and myself went to see Crank Saturday night which is an amazing movie. I found out Sunday that Time Warner can’t install until the 14th… my life is ruined (that’s mostly a joke).

The epic story of my life continues. I don’t understand myself at the moment so how could anyone else.

Archangel / September 4, 2006 / Personal, xanga / 1 Comment

Faith.

The song isn’t good, so if you’ve heard it just forget that 3 minutes of your life for a moment… the point is the lyrics.

Andrew Peterson – Faith to be strong

Give us faith to be strong
Father, we are so weak
Our bodies are fragile and weary
As we stagger and stumble to walk where you lead
Give us faith to be strong

Give us faith to be strong
Give us strength to be faithful
This life is not long, but it’s hard
Give us grace to go on
Make us willing and able
Lord, give us faith to be strong

Give us peace when we’re torn
Mend us up when we break
This flesh can be wounded and shaking
When there’s much too much trouble for one heart to take
Give us peace when we’re torn

Archangel / August 31, 2006 / Personal, xanga / 0 Comments

This won’t be fun…

Who wants to come keep me company… I just realized I have 2 weeks in my new place alone after I move this weekend.

Archangel / August 30, 2006 / Personal, xanga / 0 Comments

I astound myself…

If you know my ego… that’s actually rather hard.

Thank you… someone finally just listened to me. I know it was hard to not say anything… I saw it in your face, but it helped.

When is something final?

fi‧nal  /ˈfaɪnl/
–adjective
1.    pertaining to or coming at the end; last in place, order, or time: the final meeting of the year.
2.    ultimate: The final goal is world peace.
3.    conclusive or decisive: a final decision.
4.    constituting the end or purpose: a final result.
5.    pertaining to or expressing the end or purpose: a final clause.

Leaves no room for doubt or second thoughts… and every one of those thoughts spawns a new regret. I’ve never left anything regretting how it ended (doesn’t mean I liked how things went). I usually can get a solemn peace knowing what I did was best for *someone*. In the end this hurts everyone… but I don’t have anything else to do.

I’ll try to have more thoughts tomorrow. Sleep is again eluding me, I missed dinner last night so I’ve had no energy today, and I think I’m getting sick… probably symptomatic of the above, but I’m still not all here.

Archangel / August 29, 2006 / Personal, xanga / 0 Comments