Idiocy

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3974149127318255497&q=Exploding+Watermelon+Aidan+Fleming&hl=en

Maybe I don’t get it either…

I’m thoroughly convinced Lifetime would buy the movie rights to my life now… that or someone who writes modern plays in the form of Shakespear tragedies.

I actually slept last night… for 9+ hours even (which is a bad thing… my alarm didn’t go off so I was 3 hours late to work today which makes being late 2 days in a row). I’m not sure why I slept though… exhaustion from almost 4 days of not or something else.

I got the answer to a question last night that I stopped asking. Some things I was sure of no longer have a foundation. Some things that were clear as mud are like spring water. I have questions I don’t want to ask and answers to questions that won’t be asked. I have a decision to make that I already made and I don’t know how that came undone. I know what I “should” do, but don’t know what I want to do and I’m not sure I have the strength to do either right now.

I’ve been able to (somewhat) predict everything thats happened up till now. I may not have done anything about it, but for the most part I expected everything that’s happened to happen… until the last 2 days. I don’t think I’ve ever been caught so off guard in my life. Which is why I can’t decide anything. I don’t know whats going on right now and I don’t know what the truth is anymore. I can make a guess… but thats all it is… a shot in the dark.

Let the flaming begin [at least I know what all of you think about it].

“In a sea of despair.” The imagry is about right anyway.

Its funny that he talked about grief and the chores of Christianity yesterday… I was annoyed and thought it was pointless at first… but not so much today.

Imagine for a moment the person you hold closest telling you something that could hurt you like no other words or actions could… something that hurts more than anything any other person could say or do. Imagine the things you would think and want to do… the proper or at least natural response to such a moment. Then imagine having to act normal and even happy because the people around you couldn’t (or wouldn’t) understand… because they would only judge you and tell you its not worth it. Finally, imagine being locked up staring at the ceiling for hours and not being able to let any of it out because no one is there to listen. If you can do that then you might catch a glimpse of what I feel right now. If the same has happened to you… I’m very sorry.

I’m not good at this…

According to just about everyone my life is really interesting and according to some I should videotape it an put it on lifetime.

Since I’m not going to explain that, I’ll leave you all with cryptic quotes which will only further your confusion and lack of understanding.

“Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.”

“The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be.”

“Who’s pretending?”

“Ay… there’s the rub.”

“At best we do what is right… at worst we follow our hearts.”

“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.”

Is it me?

Quakecon is amazing fun. Its a lot smaller and things are missing from last year but its still a lot of fun. I’m not coming home with nearly as many shirts though. Two days left… hopefully on Sunday I’ll be able to see my cousins too.

The first day here sucked a lot. Chris said he would keep up with my driving, so on our way to Fry’s I gunned it around a semi and cut over to an exit pretty quick and completely lost him. I sat at the end of the ramp and called him. Of course I was expecting to get some sort of asshole comment (which I did deserve), but the little bastard hung up on me and called Tim. I wasn’t happy… and then I got “called from one of my CPLs”… aparently Brian used my laptop (which I have my AIM passwords cached on) to try and get my clan’s ventrilo password. WTF. I wasn’t happy. After everyone got over that everything was good. Brian gets pissed over everything and I’m getting used to him now. Usually I don’t have to spend a lot of time around him so… Last night Tim, Dave and I used blow up bats to beat the crap out of eachother… that was fun.