Personal – Page 36 – From the ashes of Heaven

Who coud have guessed?

My apologies for the the whole bitch post… it was just another aggravating day.

I wish I could explain more about the following, but I’m don’t think I can. A not insignificant part of my life just became really complicated and really simple at the same time (literally through the same act… I was quite dumbfounded).

This may seem way too introspective, but I smiled this weekend because I was happy. Not saying I’ve been unhappy… just with school and work and life I’ve been going to fast to think about much else and I’m not sure I was even trying to divert my attentions. This weekend (even though poorly placed) was a really good distraction and well needed. I’m still overly tense about things, but once finals are done the blood pressure will come back down, not to mention I can think about the previously mentioned but not explained.

I got to see my Mom’s new house “almost” complete this weekend. For 2 people… it is way too much house. Hell, even if my brother and I were living there with wives it would be too big. Might be able to have a party or 2 in the basement though… we’ll see.

My Grandpa’s birthday is tomorrow (today)… That thought depresses me a bit.

Archangel / May 30, 2006 / Personal, Work, xanga / 0 Comments

At least I’m moral?

Despite the fact that I’m drunk, my moral compass still works (even if for the wrong reasons).

My weekend home has been pretty good for once. Left after work on Friday, which was ok except for the fact that they spent over an hour trying for find someone to lifeguard for me so I could get to my actual work. But meh. Life goes on and I wasn’t there too late. Saturday was a late morning but still a good one. I went to see Tim for the first time in like 6 months and we went climbing somewhere in Boston Heights. After I dropped Tim off I went to my dad’s to go to his sisters for a bbq. Too much of my life is now exposed to people who are far too interested, but I at least have several very good leads on finding my sister (at the very least I can hunt down her mother’s family). I drove home from my aunt’s and then out to Marsena’s, and I have to say the valley has a surprising amount of fun bars that aren’t horribly trashy. Suday still to come. I’ll be driving home early to do homework and goto a birthday party.

P.S. This post is taking entirely too long to type (while fixing typos).

**Faces in the dark**

**Whispers in the night**

**Moments lost in time**

**Memories fading away**

**Something never changing**

**Hope forever gone.**

Archangel / May 28, 2006 / Personal, xanga / 0 Comments

This one I can definitely blame on my family.

I really need to drop this before I say something and ruin a friendship I’d like to keep (or take things to a point that I can’t rebuild if necessary). The only thing I’m going to say now is that I at least follow through on my word.

There are times where I really don’t like myself for the core components that make me who I am, which ironically are the same things that make me like myself most of the time. My gaming guild is an honor guild… meaning we have some kids that aren’t very good at the games we play but they all are supposed to have good attitudes and are supposed to respect the things AOD stands for. One of my corporals caught a private in my division using hacks (for computer illiterates its like steroids for your game play). The game demos that were sent to me more than confirmed the use and since I’m the server administrator I was left with the duty of removing him from the clan. Normally this isn’t a terribly uncomfortable thing for me to do because the other person will scream and yell and bitch to no avail. But this kid was just young and did something stupid to play better to try and get more respect from the division. He knew what he did was really wrong and he even knew the consequences of his actions. As a clan SGT I had no recourse but to kick him once I confirmed things from the demos, not to mention my own sense of honor and respect compelled me to do the same… but I still feel really crappy about it given his attitude. I did what I could to lessen the blow considering he was 13 and this was his first clan, but I still think he was pretty crushed.

So much to say… so many inhibitions.

Archangel / May 23, 2006 / Personal, xanga / 0 Comments

All we are is dust in the wind…

I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment’s gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind.
Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind

[Now] Don’t hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, and all your money won’t another minute buy.

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind, everything is dust in the wind.

It is so easy to forget and be forgotten. We think we’ll always remember… we think we changed something so someone can never forget… its all a fools errand. Those who are truly important will always fade far into the backdrop of life and when you do remember its far too late. Don’t glorify and raise yourself up, it costs too much.

Saw The DaVinchi Code last night. Very provocative movie. I will definitely be reading the book. I know there is little truth in the “greatest cover up of human history”, but I have to wonder what parts of history we are actually missing. It is a widely known fact that the gospels weren’t actually written until at least 30 years after the death of Christ. The oldest of the included gospels was written around 90 years after the death of Christ. There are even a number of other gospels (texts that tell about the life of Christ) that were left out because of their age and in some cases “heretical” content. Poses questions… does it not?

I’ve been having some serious trouble sleeping as of late. I was up till 5am last night simply because I couldn’t fall asleep.

Archangel / May 21, 2006 / Personal, xanga / 0 Comments

Words are a most wonderous and powerful tool.

But care must be taken, the wrong emphasis can give the wrong meaning.

I’m having a unique day… read the private post below if you can. For some reason I couldn’t get to sleep last night. The lack of sleep may explain my day or at least give me an “excuse” for it.

Wyandot wasn’t very fun today. I didn’t quite get everything done. I replace 2 motherboards, upgraded 5 POS machines, fixed a miswired network, installed random software, and had to deal with customers who wanted season passes. I was there till 8 because I completely stopped watching the time right around the time I found out corporate botched the server.

Definitely going to the Caribbean during the summer and I think Mike, March, Red, and Jake are coming. I’ll offer to Brian and Tim and see what they say. I’m gonna start looking at trips in Naples, Athens, Rome, Dublin, and London just in case Quakecon doesn’t happen.

Archangel / May 11, 2006 / Personal, Work, xanga / 0 Comments