Something like that…

So that one thing that could ruin my great mood… of course it happened. That’s just how my life goes. Go ahead and not read this… I don’t have anyone to yell at so I’m just going to rant here.

You lied to me. I don’t care how you want to say it or dress it up, you did lie to me… by your own words you even betrayed my trust in something you wanted. Trust is a precious thing… so hard to find, so easy to lose. Sometimes the truth hurts for everyone because you want it to be something different, but trying force it to change when you know it can’t only builds things so it hurts more.

In the end I was right. I saw this coming and knew it would happen… just didn’t happen when  I expected it to. I even knew what was going to be said… not word for word but the meaning anyway. Serves me right for trying to hold on to something that was out of my reach.

Now I’m just pissed at Him. Most of my questions have now been answered. There is no misunderstanding that this thing is done for good… so why did this have to happen. I’m sure I’m the one who is screwing my own life up all the time, but why the hell did this even start? Was it for her… so she could learn something? At my expense? I could have accepted this pretty simply a week ago, but now after giving me a part of what I wanted… which is a dumb statement considering I wasn’t really sure exactly what I wanted, but none the less it still doesn’t make sense. I have to ask, why can’t I just live and be happy for a little while? Am I doing something so terribly wrong in my life that I deserve to just be unhappy? I was doing pretty good before this whole thing started and of course it has to cause me more grief than I really want to deal with… and then it blows up just as I find my sister so now I can’t really even enjoy that? I think I’d prefer to be eaten by crows then be damned to this existence. I don’t think I’m going to go to church this weekend.